| Things gotta change.. |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|03:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Let me love you (tha remixxx)-Mario | ] |
So i deleted all my old entries and decided to start over. All thos entries were full of like..sadness, and bitching..and as i read them all...it made me think that i have 8 months left at home with my family and my friends..and things gotta change.
So as you may know, i was grounded for the remainder of break, so instead of sitting at home and sulking..i decided to work. I worked alot, even on new years. I thought new years would suck for me..but..it wasnt so bad. I worked..got off at 10 30, then had a performance with my hip hop crew later that night. I got home around 3, then i was super tired..so now im writing this, and about to get ready for work to hear alexs adventure of new years eve.
I do get off grounding after break is done tho, and hopefully ill get my phone back. So everyone is hanging out with me. You have NO choice.
Suprisingly, im ok. I think ive just realized that the whole, im incontrol of my life thing doesnt start until dad isnt paying for college anymore..so until then, i guess i got respect. My dad said i should stop writing in my live journal, but idk..for some reason..a diary like in my room that i hide under my bed doesnt cut it for me. I guess i want like people to see how i feel, bc sometimes ppl can relate..or sometimes ppl are like..stop being emo your gay. But hey, were all a lil emo sometimes.
But i want to start over with everyone. With my family, with my friends. My family and i have gone through way to much fighting and miscommunication, and most of it is my fault. And as for my friends, god knows what we;ve been thru this year. But 8 more months and then we'll realize what a joke we all were and how we are going to miss eachother more then anything when we all leave. And as for boys..i think imma stay out of that scene for a while, i once told someone i wasnt ready to have my heart broken again..and i didnt listen to myself. Too many factors in life dont agree, and for me to try to piece them together and make them work, its not gonna happen. So im sorry to everyone i've hurt..or let down. But im starting over. |
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